Langit itu indah.

our window

2011-01-09T21:02:00.000-08:00

Well it's four in the morning,

things are getting heavy,

and we both know that it's over, but we both are not ready

and you're talking like a stranger

so I don't know what to do

and I'm callous and I'm cruel, to everyone but you

And the stars shining through our window

and the stars shining through our window

and it's been awhile since I stared at the stars

yeah, it's been awhile, since I stared at the stars

Spring can be the cruelest of months

but bringing in your life

yeah we're promising so much

like the pledge that you gave when you said that you'd always love me

but we both know by autumn you're like the color of leaves

And the stars shining through our window

and the stars shining through our window

and it's been awhile since I stared at the stars

yeah it's been awhile since I stared at the stars

Well I don't think that it's the end

but I know we can't keep going

Well I don't think that it's the end

but I know we can't keep going

cause blue skies are coming but I know that it's hard

2010-08-29T11:32:00.000-07:00

it starts again.

2010-08-29T06:45:00.001-07:00

i know im being selfish as i just start writing when things got strangled and i dont know who to talk to. But at least i have it here.somewhere i can express and let it go. Sorry if you came across this page and read this somber note but i had to.

I sometimes thought where does all this will lead to? Its nowhere.just cycling around and around and its funny how the world can be. I want to be far away from people i know and start all over again. Start everything new like pressing the 'reset' button. All of us made so many promises and chasing their own pursuit until they forgot to endure the person right in front of him/her. The person who always get the blame and try to fix it even though it sometimes get mistaken.

All im asking is just a piece of smile the least. Seeing you with that kind of look makes me feel useless and empty.

Seriously i am tired making you happy whereby there is no space for me to do what i want and be happy for myself.

Im confuse with what is actually love all about. Its just a funny thing, the more i see it the less i feel it. its just numb and slowly fade.

No matter how i try to oblige them, its just wasted.

This will be the last that i write while im still in love because i will soon leave this feeling behind and keep on moving. I dont think its the end but i know it cant keep going.

31st october 2009

2009-10-25T08:57:00.000-07:00

fly the flyer.

2009-10-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

Some stuff i did for a Jazz club in Hartamas. Noice place to chill out and live music of a ambient jazz. Its a online flyer to welcome jazz lover organizing party or galas or even annual dinner in Groove Junction.

i feel gay today!

2009-10-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

oh yeah! i'll show my balls to those who look down upon me and i swear i'll beat them...one day! btw this is my flatmate..and that thing on his stomach is mr stinky! my plushy toy created on 2008.

rolling stone effect.

2009-10-11T09:14:00.000-07:00

i miss wanganui.

2009-08-12T18:42:00.000-07:00

Give me some time.

2009-07-19T03:51:00.000-07:00

Well..i really need to consider it NOW.
Please choose it wisely or else you'll end up disappointing.
Its true what those people had said to you.
you have to know what you really want and have fun doing it.
ok!

hey im here!!

2009-07-19T03:25:00.000-07:00

Its sunday and its already July...and its 2009...
wooo...im alone here in the house and everyone is busy with their own business. Well, for me...its time to mute myself with the outside world..its time to hold the time for a while sit back and enjoy the view of the blue skies. How i wish i have my own private area where no one knows and its only me and my wild imagination! Reverse back all those happiness moment with people i love the most. I do still miss you..Its fun to think back those memories...Well..this is the time i talk to myself and regret all the things i havent had chance to feel sorry for.
Sometimes i dont know how to make every body happy. I want to but i cant.Especially you..
Its really hard when you really try and putting 1675% effort on it.
It will always come back to me.
I never want it to be like this but i cant blame others.
but..yeah whatever..life must go on and just keep smiling.
after all this is life..so enjoy!
coming back to reality,
its sux to be in a working life! i really have to admit it...suckin sux!
anyway its fun as well...getting to know a lot of PEOPLE..
Working with a lot of WORDS.
playing around with colors.
Seeing a lot of funny cars on the road.
paying the never ending bills.
laughing and acting cool even when your feet hurts.
Seriously...working is always pretending.
Its like a different part of our life that we never reallise we are living and moving on it..Do you feel how different you are when its saturday and sunday...and when its Monday...you are stepping to another world!
well thats it. I shouldnt talk about this cuz i dont feel good anymore..
anyway its already sunday and yeah.......bye.

Next please.

2009-05-17T03:14:00.000-07:00

wow! it has been a roller coaster journey for me after got back myself to the comfort zone.

Well i could say i am relief and glad that i manage to get myself a job even though Malaysia is facing economical crisis at the moment. Its getting hot and hotter day by day. I can hardly see any butterfly on the flower or any birds chipping every morning. But i hope mother nature will slowly recover and get well soon!

I can proudly say i am not a student anymore. The next time people ask me what did i do, i can just answer their question without trying to elaborate the job hunting position. Yes! i am now working! The job is something different than what i expected though. But it is something interesting to learn. I am still doing design but in addition, i need to learn e commerce and marketing strategy. The job is called multimedia & marketing comm executive.

Its long but yet straight forward. Get to meet client, learn the product insight and create a design in order to market to its target audience..I could say its kinda multitasking job but i will get to learn hell much from this. I could say this job could basically pay all the bills!

Well..anyway, i do hope i could learn and gain as much experience from this. I know i can definitely do my best. But yet still in a learning process.

happy birthday mr buncit!

cheers!

Im Back

2009-04-15T02:57:00.000-07:00

Finally i've got time to write few words after i got back from Wellington. I loose weight, and i am quite busy with things. But actually i dont have much things to do but time make it hard for me to do what i want. Its different in here. The weather, the people the environment and so on. I guess i learnt a lot in NZ. I've observe different way of living and attitude. All i can say is Malaysia is still the same. Never change. I wont explain those two word cuz i know its too long to write in here. I am now doing some freelance for friends, and relative..well i think i need to wait till i get internet connection in my room so i can browse more website without any circumstances..

useless

2008-11-16T17:51:00.000-08:00

useless advisor.

My artwork

2008-11-15T03:15:00.000-08:00

From 1 image...

then i manupulated it become wallpaper.

BUSANA THE TREND
a combination of illustration, and digital collage.

Some of doodle i did for "UNPLANNED JOURNAL FOR DESIGNER"

2008-11-15T02:57:00.000-08:00

The stinks crew i did for my toy design.

2008-11-15T02:36:00.001-08:00

New Zealand Fringe Art Festival

2008-11-15T01:33:00.000-08:00

Some of my experimental typo.Its called Hairline Regular.

im done!

2008-11-15T01:06:00.000-08:00

Alhamdulillah i finally completed my degree project.

I finally get to find my own style and interest.

Its time to upload work i've done during the learning process.

It was a hectic but yet fun though...But there's still few things i need to finish:

Here are few things i need to do during summer break:

- Plankton character family; Plantonville

- Refine Hairline Typo (my own font)

- Upgrade my illustration

- shoot more street fashion in wellington for my upcoming project.

- Lomo lomo lomo...my sweet Diana F+...its time to shoot from hip baby!

- Upgrade my portfolio.

- Doodling!

- Traveling and backpacking all around North Island and hopefully south Island as well.

- Working during summer break!

Im looking forward to meet my mum! yeay!

It's Ramadhan beb.

2008-09-08T17:21:00.000-07:00

Wah..it's the most sangap-ness Ramadhan for me in here. Last year was better compared to this year. I'm having holiday for two weeks and yeay boleh la rest jap from buat design..kalau tak asyik tak cukup tido..But apparently it turns the other way round..Terlebih tidur and tak de keje nak buat buat busy..I rather put myself busy compared membuang masa..rasa mcm guilty pon ada..Sebab kalau kat Malaysia sure kena bebel kalau buat muka toya and baring atas sofa sambil tengok tv. Nak nak lagi kalau dah pukul 5.Time tula kena tolong mama potong segala macam daging ayam or ikan for buka puasa. Now, dengan selamba badaknya aku main warcraft pukul 5 or 6(timing Nzla kan) walaupun lagi 5 minit nak buka..damn..macm mana nih..dulu main main biasa je sekarang dah main dekat level insane...aduh..

Its puasa!

sometimes i feel guilty to do keje yang tak berfaedah..i dunno why. Takut je tak dapat pahala..dahla hari hari lain hampeh...But i just leave it to you God.

I hate to answer myself the same question " nak makan ape jap lagi bila buka?"

ntahla...wanganui doesn't give me much option. I can explain how many restaurant dalam satu paragraph je.. nak nak lagi bila bulan puasa...I am tired of cooking and makan makanan masakan sendiri...takde thrill..so ape yg ade kat wanganui is 2 kedai kebab yang rasa hampir2 sama. Kedai takeaway cina yang jual sweet n sour pork..so tuh dah tak tercalon..kedai thai house yang mahalnya bila aku makan sampai kalau boleh kena makan dengan serai2 takut membazir. And fast food chains mcm Mcd, Kfc, and Burger King...Beb orang melayu tak makan benda2 tuh semua nak nak lagi kalau buka puasa..makan mesti aa nak rabak kan...pardon my language la ye.. Yea, back to my story, ada 3 or 4 restaurant yang tak pernah langsung kitrang masuk cuz tuh semua makanan orang orang kaya...Nak kena book what so ever..Pakai nak kena macho baru bleh makan...sometimes i dont understand why human create such law and order. Masa zaman paleolitik dulu makan sempoi je bersila pakai cawat makan ramai ramai..lagi muhibah.

Now, ada certain level yang kalau orang tuh kaya, dia makan kat tempat mewah,kalau orang tu kayap makan kat maple sudah...ish makin lama aku hidup makin confuse aku..Tapi takla semua macam tu kan...but certain country they do.. I went to Bangladesh 2 years ago...dan aku tak tahu kenapa pegi Bangladesh dlm banyak2 negara..hahaha..tapi its worth to learn about other people and other country la..seriously.. Pakai cantik je sikit sure dilayan mcm orang kaya..Kalau kaya bertambah kaya, yang miskin lagila miskin. Sampai nak naik rishka(beca) pon diorang pakai kod ...kot..kok? ape2 jela...Tak appropriate langsung..tapi disebabkan nak tunjuk kekayaan dia terpaksala berpeluh ketiak pakai kot..kod..

o ya..balik semula pasal restoran kat wanganui...haa kan dah kata... aku just explain in one paragraph..dah abis dah kedai yg ada...so tolong la bagitau apa yang boleh aku makan..

semalam makan dekat thai house tuh..aku amik soup sebab aku sakit dua tiga hari nih...suara dah macam kurt cobain nih..wahh rock beb..band pojaan hati masa form1 and 2..so aku makan tom yum yang tak pedas...hahahha...dah la sakit tekak lagi mau makan tom yum..nak buat mcmana kan nafsu melebihi segalanya...it cost me approximately RM 30 for one dish..hahahahha...ape bleh buat kan...deal with it..takkan nak membebel dekat cashier yang memakai rantai emas berkepalakan istana thai...wah macam mafia je..baik bayar and tunggu je makanan tuh...

erm...tapi takpe..nasib baik ade geng sekepala..MR radhi..hehehe..diala bakal menjadi mangsa persoalan persoalan yang mengambil penuh konsentrasi untuk dijawab...tapi tula...thats why Tuhan wujudkan manusia berpasang pasangan...ermm..

2nd year far from homeland.

2008-09-04T00:16:00.000-07:00

Dah masuk hari ke 3 kita berpuasa untuk tahun ni. And will be my second year celebrating Raya in New Zealand.This year will be a bit tougher and i need to really plan my time management. Abg pon dah balik from Tassie and its only me yg tinggal untuk complete our family puzzle. This year would be the most akward for me. Undescribable, speechless and shockness for us..i mean for myself to accept that there has been a lot of changing back in Malaysia. Im happy and at the same time i need to really bare in mind that everyone has their own right to decide for their own happiness. I am happy for you and sorry for not being there.

Papehal pon, i am fortunate enough that i am a Malaysian citizen. We have everything there. Almost everything. Cukup setakat 2 tahun untuk tinggal di tempat orang, banyak benda kita boleh menilai dari semua sudut pandangan. Masa kecik2 dulu berangan2 bila dah besar nak sambung belajar overseas. Bila raya sure tengok sudut salam perantauan from student yg belajar luar dari Malaysia. Dalam hati aku nak jadi mcm diorang. Tak pernah nak terfikir sambung belajar kat dalam negeri. Sekarang aku sedang menaip di tempat yang jauh dari kampung halaman aku sendiri. Banyak benda yg aku belajar secara langsung or tak langsung. Its hard, fun but yet challenging. Aku banyak observe macamana perangai budak2 Malaysia yang datang sendiri and yang disponsor dari kerajaan for example MARA or JPA. They are totally living in comfort zone. No need to worry about school fees, budget sentiasa masyuk.

Damn it kadang kadang tuh aku jeles je dgn diorang tapi aku tau aku belajar banyak compare dgn diorang. Nak nak lagi aku belajar dekat Wanganui. Entah macmana ntah ada design collge kat sini...pelik bin ajaib. Tapi i am still lucky enough that i manage to adapt myself slowly.

Design knowledge pon dah better and skills lagila improve compared masa zaman dulu. Ada hati tunjuk portfolio kat company besar2. tapi at least aku confident je la kan..

Sekarang aku dah tau mana hala tuju future aku, insyaAllah. Semua pon dah besar and i can live on my own now. I am big enough right now. I now how to bring myself in front of the public.

Whatever it is Malaysia jugakla tempat yang terbaik untuk aku tunjuk knowledge aku cuz kat tempat orang jangan harap kita dipandang tinggi. We are sometimes invisibles. Cubala sekuat mana still ada perception yang kita ni rendah dari dia. Mat Salleh ni bukanla terror sangat just diorang punya self confidence tu melebih lebih and the up bringing is always in positive environment. Bila kat Malaysia tak terfikir nak baca pasal Malaysia tapi since dah duduk sini aku orderla buku called "Honk! if you're Malaysians" by Lydia Teh. Talking about Malaysian insight sometimes make me laugh dengan secara sinis. Kadang kadang tuh malu pon ada. Tapi that's us. That what makes us different. Berbalik pada cerita sebelum nih, aku tak sabar nak balik Malaysia cuz dekat sana aku boleh gelak terbahak2, menjerit sesuka hati, melompat setinggi langit...Takde sape nak pandang slack kecualila kalau ada makcik2 dari kampung sure geleng kepala and dalm hati sure dia kate " apa nak jadi anak dara zaman sekaramg"...

Tapi aku tak kesah cuz kita sebangsa..kita orang Malaysia.Aku boleh cakap bahasa melayu, English, Manglish or anything that i feel like doing it.

Jangan harapla kat sini kita boleh buat mcmtu cuz kita orang Asia. Bila sebut 'Im Asian, they automatically gimme one look and say "ne how ma"...wtf?

so...i explain I am Malaysian...Then they will ask me "oo ya its the Tsunami place" again wtf?

How do i describe Malaysia when they don't even heard and know about it? The laziest way to answer is "it is next to Singapore" (dalam hati aku menyirap je nak sebut negara kiasu tuh)

But tu jela cara yg senang tuk diorang paham....and they will give me one look and say "oo ya Singapore...i know that country, its the only Asian country that is safe..again wtf?

aku pon senyum senyum kambing jela kat mat salleh2 ni...kadang diorang ni nak kate bengong pon ade jugak...cuz sebodoh bodoh aku aku tahu semua negara yang ada kat dunia ni..takla semua tapi taula...Sehitam hitam kulit aku nih aku dah pegi banyak negara dah; UK,France,Holland,German etc....dalam kelas aku just 10% je yg penah jalan2 negara org.

so i cant blame them cuz they didnt get a chance to travel..pity them.

Cup..apasal aku melalut banyak sangat nih?

ntah..just nak menulis ketidak puasan hati terhadap orng Kiwi terutamanya orang kiwi wanganui...ish ish ish....kalau orang Kelantan kate " emm payoh" ahaha...kelantan! orang orangnye menyebabkan satu lagi hal di Malaysia.

Hmmm..too many things to write. But i save it later.

cheers.

Selamat berpuasa kepada umat Islam di dunia.

Madmen Tv series.

2008-08-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

I'm usually not into tv series at all but recently there's a tv series called mad men. It has a great content involving advertising agency back in 60's. I think i should encourage people who wants to be in advertising agency (yeah right..) go and watch it...

Stefan Seigmeister.

2008-08-21T05:33:00.000-07:00

I got a chance to take couple of photo with him. I went to Auckland for Semi Permanent 2008.

It was absolutely worth spending money on. It helps broaden my design knowledge.

But some of us to decided that they don't want to be a designer anymore.hahaha.

Yeah..i agree...but everything is propaganda. It is just how we deal with it.

This is some of words taken from his website. cool stuff.

'Having Guts always works out for me.'

'Self confidence produces fine result.'

'Pain is an experience.'

'Give more expect less.'

i'm into it!

2008-08-21T05:07:00.001-07:00

This is my few trial of combining my illustration or can i called it illusion pattern?

I am currently working on my magazine + book called 'Awesome Fesyen'.

It is a collage and illustration book about fashion culture in Malaysia.

And at the same time i am still doodling my idea and put it inside my journal.

There's quite a few stuff that i think can go out really well. I hope so.

I hope this project will turn out good...double good.

yeah...

Mi Maggi

2008-07-22T03:23:00.000-07:00

Who need Instant Idea??

Mee maggi cepat dimasak sedap dimakan!

Just think of Maggi and it will come to you!

Ting! ideas!

First Things First Manifesto

2008-07-20T01:34:00.000-07:00

It was first written by Ken Garland 1n 1963.

If you havent heard of it before just click this link and will tell you what its all about.

The manifesto was then published in design magazine such as Emigre and Eye.

I can see what's the idea behind it and to tell designers not to manipulate knowledge and skills into commercial benefit.

At last i found something good to discuss among us.

Majority of them(Kiwis) blame the advertising agency because they are the one who create a certain perception towards a brand for example Insect killer, slimming pill, detergent, and all sorts of product that involves environment and social culture among consumer.

Designers have the power to change man's perception toward certain things. They create a visual communication and educate people using words and images. Its all about how they deliver it and it goes the same thing to a product. I can see with my clear eyes there are product that does not really bring benefit to us but still it can be sell. Its like dividing human into certain category. segregation!

If you can afford to buy a better quality of a product than choose X but if you feel its not worth to get X than why don't you try other product called Y. other example is Tobacco. Its all the same. But when we bring it to advertising agency they can come out with different positioning.

I'm not saying advertising got the 100 percent blame but its how they bring the product into certain level. How do they choose their client? or can they say no to the client? Customer is always right..i dont think it can be use in advertising agency. so if we narrow down the discussion into a certain level, still there is no solution for this.

But all i can say is its like drinking alcohol. We do not blame the alcohol because alcohol is bad but its how we drink it.

This is for you.

2008-07-07T03:46:00.000-07:00

Growing up is the hardest things we need to deal with.

Even it is harder to grow up with just one person taking care of us.

It takes both emotional and physical perspective.

It is hard to be you.

It is hard to be us.

We need to really support each other and really need to be mature

enough to handle everything even we are not ready yet.

It is the hardest part when we need to understand each of us need.

Someone need attention,

someone seek for future,

someone require support,

while all of us seeking for our own path,

life and death.

I am a child.

also a daughter.

also a best friend.

i hope you be strong.

don't give up.

I know its hard to be you.

Its hard to be both father and mother.

We wish for your happiness all the time.

But it is just a different way of us to proof it.

i know you always proud to have us.

you always do.

Please hold on and keep the strength with you.

After all we still need you.

always.

i love you and i miss you so much.

Absurd but absolutely true.

2008-06-29T04:51:00.000-07:00

It was an absurd jokes for me.

But the things that he's talking about is reality.

Mostly the jokes is all about culture, race and human's mentality.

Its sometimes too arrogant but after a while i thought this is a

good approach to make us realize how we are.

The Indians, Chinese, American, Latino, and etc..

We are all racist.

Damn it its true!

One of the jokes he gave was talking about about the Indians.

There are good to other people but the truth is they hate each other.

Jealousy is inside them.

Dont get me wrong here.

For those people who never heard about this guy..

Just browse your youtube.

He is Russell Peter.

He's absurd but he's absolutely true.

pointless argument.

2008-06-29T04:26:00.000-07:00

Have you ever argue with people that you feel like you never have any conclusion between both of you?

It seems like there is too many things to listen instead things to say.

It seems like our ears grown bigger and

every words and saliva spit out is totally heart aching.

Its like eating chilly with hot tea.

Its like everything you see turns into tiny little pieces.

You cant even listen to the music you're humming because it seems so far.

you just listen to the person you're arguing with.

well,

Thats what happen when you are arguing especially with people you close with.

Critique, complain, comment, and all kind of negative feedback.

Anyway..i wish for those people who experience the same thing like i do...

A big sympathy, compassion, pity, and consolation.

By the way,

I reckon we all need sometime on our own to think back and refresh our thought.

Its like a 'refresh' button in your desktop. You click it and it re-open the page.

If its getting worst, just drag it to the trash bin. that's it.

Or the easiest way to release your madness is just breath in and breath out...

take your time, close your eyes, take a final deep breath and..

say FUUUUUCCCCKKK OOOFFFF as clearly and loudly as you can.

Fin.

we only live twice.

2008-05-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

Distance is the only thing that separate me between freedom and happiness.

I guess i am growing up and time force me to become wiser but not yet mature.

Words spoken from my mouth is sometimes different from my heart.

Even-though its hard to keep it by myself but i rather release it with my eyes..

Having my eyes wide open.. see the skies, and let the mind communicate with the wind.

I like the feel of flying even though im on the ground. Its good but its not healthy.

That's the most interesting part i discover when i live on my own. It helps me to feel

really calm. But i know how to handle it.

How can i understand my self really well when sometimes i dun even know who i am?

Like she said to me.. hold on.

Lets see how long will my mouth will keep shut.

Let the eyes do the job, keep the mouth shut, smile and smile!

Laughter is the best medicine.

What about laughter and tears at the same time?

Its cold in here. Im getting colder and i let my self drown sometimes

so that i know how to breath again in my own hardship.

Why do you say everyone has their own luck

when im the one who's always praying really best for my own luck.

Where are you?

Back Again.

2008-04-27T23:08:00.000-07:00

We got second runner up for Ag Ideas.

Its alright i guess. It was a good experience though. Unfortunately i dont get a chance to go to Melbourne cuz the first group had it. They had a chance to be in the conference in Melbourne. My group manage to get a Dvd of IDN conference in Singapore last year. Overall it was awesome!

I am glad that my group manage to get second. hehe!

My friend and me went to Auckland last week to have a look at the big city. To be frank i dont like it. Its too hectic and too congested. I'm used to live with the sheep and the cows rather than all those materialistic propaganda.haha!

It was a good journey for me. We went to Auckland by Train and the view was tremendously awesome! I can say that i am a nature lover. I was so impressed with the view and all those greenery scenery made me happy and i feel great!

Im really looking forward to do my magazine design and my journal cuz i think i like it!

I can see where does my style leads to and i really love it.

wait till i post it once i done it!

Back in Malaysia, my family were really busy with our new house. Finally we manage to get our own house with our own design and our own interior. Thank you God for that.

I am excited to hear all those story about our house and i really hope it turn out really nice.

Mama was quite happy right now cuz someone has already gone back from Hobart.

Don't worry i won't be long to get back together.

When i think about this, really made my day and i will smile.

when i smile, meaning im happy.

thank you God for that.

cheers darling.

2008-04-01T04:33:00.000-07:00

Ag ideas is interesting brief but i need to be more flexible with the group im into. Its 2 kiwis and 1 asian. Personally i think the asian mind are much more creative rather than the western. Im not saying that im good because i am classified as a logical person or someone called me Kejora or Kemboja..i forgot whats the term but it was a Malaysian Government ads style. That's me!

Is it?

hmm im not quite sure but sometimes i do feel that i have too logical thoughts and sometimes i have enormous thoughts of creativity!

We received the brief and we had a brainstorming session everyday. I could say these people have straight thinking and they just lead something in a straight way. In the other hand, the asian i could say we have special case. We see things sideways and sometime we see things from back way too. But the only problem with us..i mean me..Its hard to explain and to elaborate my thoughts to them as i has language barrier that slowly getting improve now.

Yeah, that's why i choose to learn! people make mistakes.

I am getting older in few days time and sometimes i feel like i want to freeze the time. Its running too fast and i cant follow the pace. Last few day i think i had nervous breakdown because only God knows what im doing to myself. But during that time i tried to reverse

myself and dig back the hole of disappointment in me.

Am i in hell or heaven?

But now while writing this blog i guess i am feeling better.

I cant feel anything right now.

I feel numb.

But thats not a problem at all! i know how to fix myself and i will. It is just sometimes i feel i need a break. I need a place where no one could hear me and see me. I want to hide myself and just keep everything deep down inside. Its better that way. No guilty feeling, anger or madness towards other human.

I still have 2 more weeks before semester break. I wanna go home and meet my family.

i miss my cats. i miss my car, i miss to talk with people i love and care. I miss being nag by people who care for me very much. I miss having that person who used to play computer games together after school and he will talk and ask me about school stuff while playing.

No worries.I still have 6 months to go and i will step up to another level after this. c h o i c e!

that's how the Kiwi express their feelings.

For me..i would rather say A l h a m d u l i l l a h .

Back To School.

2008-02-27T22:04:00.000-08:00

I miss blogging. really. Even-though some says it does feel stupid writing with no purpose but this is how i release my emotion towards human. No one will read, no one will give me comment unless i give them comment or i am somebody.

Thank God everything is doing fine here in Wanganui. I would say Wanganui is Evil! yes it is. Every-time we got back to this place we don't seem happy and relax. Probably this place is the only place that can teach us how to be on our own. Everything is on our own.

This year i want to explore everything without boundaries. I don't care what other will say but i know one day i will be somebody because i take the risk to be different than others.

Sad to say i am pretty disappointed with my own people. Its ashamed to write about. But its a good observation though. Being myself working and meeting new people in Aussie was a great opportunity for me. I can feel that im growing up now.

I've got only $50 in my account now. Alhamdulillah i am still alive. It is hard to live without having source of money in my pocket. Only God knows how it feels. Still i manage to survive and smile ...but sometimes i do cry. I need to find job this semester so that i won't trouble mama that much. Its already hard for her right now. Sorry mum but i will repay you someday. She was quite happy with my result last semester. I hope i will do well this semester too. Probably its a bit hard cuz i am planning to get job while studying. No matter what happens i know i will go through with it.

Yeah..whatever it is its a good opportunity for me study abroad and not all people get this chance. Eventhough this place is evil but........ermm..oklaaa.

Bilik Kelam.

2008-01-11T03:54:00.000-08:00

Ada yang dengar ketika aku berbisik?
Ada yang selongkar ketika aku mengemas diri.
Selerak, serabut, semak.
Luar nampak atur, terang,manis.
Dalam kelam, gelap, pahit.

Sesal datang pergi,
Endah entah tidak.
Mana pegi diri?
Hilang diri sendiri.
Kerap suluh yang sudah terang.
Yang gelap biar usang.

Mana?
Bila?
Harus apa lagi?

selongkar hati,
suluh jiwa.

letting the cables sleep.

2008-01-06T08:35:00.000-08:00

You in the dark

You in the pain

You on the run

Living a hell

Living your ghost

Living your end

Never seem to get in the place that I belong

Don't wanna lose the time

Lose the time to come

Whatever you say it's alright

Whatever you do it's all good

Whatever you say it's alright

You in the sea On a decline

Breaking the waves

Watching the lights go down

Letting the cables sleep

Silence is not the way

We need to talk about it

If heaven is on the way

We'll wrap the world around it

If heaven is on the way

I'm a stranger in this town

If heaven is on the way

I'm a stranger in this town

i miss my cats!

2008-01-02T19:10:00.001-08:00

I have been taking care of nearly 20 cats at home. And these are the few name i still remember.

Endut, brownies, e.t, acong, lara, blackiey, max, sarip, manja, teh, jm, buntal, boogie,

dude, comel, jr, shit i forgot others...i missss all of you...!!

Cat + me = Happiness.

How to percieve motto ' be yourself'

2008-01-01T07:33:00.000-08:00

I had discussion with mr text this morning while baking bread at Jackman & Mcross in Hobart.

That's the only day for me i can say working in a leisure time. Its only two of us moulding and playing with butter and flour. We didnt get enough sleep that night because it was New Year eve and it is funny for me starting my 2008 with making muffin and savoury for Mat Salleh to eat. Banggalah jugakkan.hehe.

That morning around 530am we were forced by mr text's annoying alarm clock. He has more that 1 alarm clock in the house. In the bedroom, livingroom, even in the kitchen and that doesnt includes his mobile phone. Unfortunately when the alarm rang, its me who woke up instead of he himself. Cis!

But lucky me that morning he woke me up after i made myself deaf not to switch off the alarm. We then drove to the bakery.

As usual i need to do prep work like chopping chives, dried tomatoes, baby rocket and some mustards. I learnt a lot on healthy food and preparing it. lucky me.

after few hours of working i finally done my part and just waitng for the bread to cook in the gigantic oven. I forgot how the conversation starts but we suddenly talked about the term ' be yourself'. Me myself has my point of view that there is no phrase 'be yourself' in human because our perception, thinking, personality were ditermine by people we sees most such as our parents, siblings or bestfriends.

Be yourself.

we are ourself and there is no way we could change our thinking and personality in just a snap of finger.

But, in the other way of other people's thinking which is mr text, he has his point of view that lets take chameleon as example. They change color based on the environment. They sooth into the place they go and be part of it.

ok first things first, what is a chameleon?

Chamaeleo pardalis, a chameleon species found in the forests of Madagascar. Chameleons can produce a wide range of colors and patterns on their skin, but they do this primarily to express mood, not to blend in with different environments.(http://science.howstuffworks.com/animal-camouflage2.htm)

To express mood?

That is so wonderful!

i wish i could do that and if i could i might have red color all the time because i am a mood swinger. From what i know, human do have color and its called aura.

ok lets go back to the main topic here,

i think i have no more idea to talk about it cuz i am now interested in reading more about chameleon and human's aura.

Perhaps, there wont be any conclusion on this topic but i am sure different people have different meaning on 'be yourself' motto. As for me i am quite sure of myself i am definetely being myself!

cheers!

welcome number eight!

2007-12-31T21:45:00.000-08:00

sayonara 07 and welcome 08.

Its been a while i havent post any blog here.

I am currently in Hobart spending quality time working and enjoying myself as a tourist here.

I did not just lazing around and have fun, instead i am working as much as i can to get money so that i could spend something for myself.

I deserve to have it and i know why.

Living far from home has made me become wiser each day.

It has widen my perspective of thinking, broaden my perception towards life and gaining knowledge in every kind of aspects. This includes cooking and baking!

2007

Thank you God for those years and i am grateful i am still here typing in front of the virtual world. Too many tears, too many joy, hardship,and fat!

i am getting chubby !!

hmm.

Thanks mum and thanks dad for your guide and support verbally or spiritually.

I can say i am the black sheep of the family but since theres a lot of white radiance product that sells in the market i guess the black could turn fairer.

haha just joking! Nope. im not. I am still rebellious and still dealing with my own anger management and still looking for the x factor of myself.

Well..this is me.

I know what to look for the next years to come. thank you 95% for helping me to see my own path. Advertising is not for me.

Maybe not yet.

i have my own path to lead and to choose beside advertising.

2007

I had choose my own choice with my own decision without help or persuade from others mouth.

Pursue education to a higher lever out from my comfort zone.

its totally out from the zone and cross the border.

Its a big decision i've made and i can say im a survivor and i will survive.

Those experiences and knowledges i gain from previous mistakes will help me to improve myself. Life is just a game and we're in it so deal with it.

Winning or losing is not the matter, what does matter is earning and learning it.

Alhamdulillah mum had chance to perform haj and i will always for her happiness.

Family is the most treasure we has and do not loose it.

We know what's the best for each of us and im proud of it.

My first brother will have his degree in pshycology and international relation(still not sure how to explain to people what does IR means but it has to do with political and people's mind)

My second brother is so good in computer and he has his own software and he will become Malaysian's Bill Gate( when it comes to computer problems, i'll call him)

Me! will soon be graphic designer and has her own ambition and still has interest in Economy subject and sometimes read Economic Review magazine for updates.

Mum aka dad is slowly adapt herself and learning to accept that her children has grown up and should decide their own decicion. Its time to let us go but be by our side please..thank you.

so..this is us and hopefully 2008 will be a great year and bring joyful and makes us together and be a happy family like we used too. Thank you God and Alhamdulillah.

with love.....

The chaos time.

2007-10-27T06:23:00.000-07:00

Struggle.

I struggle my time for the knowledge i gain.
I struggle my thoughts for the things i want.
I struggle my emotion for people i love.
I struggle my money for the most priority things first.

I am quite upset with the condition here.
We are Minority..but still we are fighting.
Fighting for things that we don't belong.
Waiting to be spoon feed by others.
Giving all sort of reason to asked for mercy.
Hey! wake up. You are being too comfort in your box.
Please wake up and try to look other side of your view.
It is so wide and plenty of space to venture!
Open your eyes wide. See the skies. See the birds.
See everything and understand it.
Don't just sit in your box waiting for help.
Don't just sitting, waitng and wishing.
it wont come to you.
please wake up and do something.
I am ashamed for you being like that.

Sometimes there is so many obstacles and odd in life we must go through.
Being judge,
being discriminate,
being laugh by strangers,
being asked question that we don't know what's the answer.
Being apart from the exact stories.
Being someone that is not really our self.

For me,
I am proud to say i am here with all by myself.
With my own money, my own initiative to solves every circumstances i faced.
I walk through the barrier with guts and faith.
I will go through it. Insyaallah.

so for those who think life is not fair,
then i think you must think back inside you
before you start pointing your fingers to others.

Life is great but you turn it the other way round.

Salam Aidilfitri

2007-10-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin to all of you!

Makanan yang best waktu raya: Nasi Impit dgn masak lodeh, Rendang ayam dengan ketupat, rendang daging ada limpa and hati..sedap!

minum pulak dengan air gas or air sirap yang sejuk. Lepas makan tu semua, ada pulak kuih untuk desert. Kuih yang paling best chocolate chip n cornflakes honey. London Almond and Jam tart. Wow!

Lepas makan kain baju kurung dah ketat.Hehehe..tukar la baju and pakaila baju baru. Kadang kadang ada bau kedai kalau tak sempat basuh. Tengok tv dengan mama n abg. Kalau ayah ada lagi best!

Gelak gelak and tengok cerita kelakar macam senario. Lepas tu mengantuk.hahaha..Kita pon tido kat living hall. Dah petang sikit mama terbangun and ajak pegi raya rumah makcik kat shah alam.

Makan lagi!

Gelak lagi!

Gelak Lagi!

lepas tuh....Kita bermaafan.

But this year. It is so different. We had a voice conference together. Abg at oz, Mama at kl, im at Nz.It is so different and very akward celebrate like this. But its all fine kan mama. Hope you are strong there. Hold on k. We will be celebrate together next year insyaallah.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA to mama, amin and abg eman.

* And for you up there, This is the 9th years celebrate without you but i guess we are still having fun. If you were here...I cant imagine how its like.

Selamat Hari Raya Ayah.

Hujan!

2007-10-09T18:59:00.000-07:00

New Indie band from Malaysia.

The vocalist's voice is a bit out of tune but i like the melody.

Hujan= The hives, the stroke, Naif..

The cover album is quite nice.
I like the typo and 'j'.
Really look like a innocent, pure and simple band.

*I support malaysian music! Keep on rockin!

345

2007-10-07T07:45:00.000-07:00

its 345 am in wanganui.
i called mama just now.
it was full of laugh, sadness and thoughts about human, life and us.
i miss you mum.

I don't know why when i called her everythings will feel so good eventhough there is so many things i have to catch up with here.Gratitute, amused, lucky, overwhelm and thankful.
This sunday is Hari Raya and here i am still stuck with designing process.
Being apart from home is a feeling that not everyone could imagine how its going to look like and i am one of them. I am very lucky to experience it. Yes i admit it is hard and challenging but thank god im still alive and the saddess part is living in WANGANUI!
WANGANUI?
hahaha.don't ever think about it. Yes. it is better than Africa and its not as good as Wellington.(huh?) ok what's my point here is..feels like dejavu everyday. Seeing same people, greet same old folks, buying same thing from the same groceries shop for 1 and a half years?
yes.wanganui is so small. Roughly the size is like Perlis.
Cycling bicycle with big helmet.hahah..its funny. I cant imagine how but yes...i am a rider now!
And the best part is its PINK! oh god!
but after all its all a good experience for me. I learn a lot and will learn more soon.

mum.miss you.

Welcome to Fotolatte!

2007-10-04T21:50:00.001-07:00

‘Eat.Drink.Lounge.Capture’

Fotolatte is a Lounge Café that offers relaxing environment for people who seek pleasure while drinking a cup of good coffee. It is fun, simple and cozy. Everyone who comes to Fottolatte will discover a new way of enjoying their drinks and at the same time discuss with friends, traveler or even photographer about photo, camera, memories, and experience while traveling.

“Take your camera everywhere you go and whenever you go. Use it any time. Shoot from the hip. Don’t think, just shoot. Forget the rules and Chill Out!”

Structuralism: Language of thought.

2007-10-04T21:29:00.000-07:00

Ideas rejected?

how can an ideas get rejected? after all this topic is about one's perception towards a philosopher.But it's ok. I can still give another point of view about it.A typo person is so serious that i could not give any ideas that is so wild.hahaha..that's interesting to get to know this kind of person.oh ya.what do we call a person who loves typography? typoist? typhophile? or typhoon?:) Here's some of my essay about it.

Take a look at the image on top and do you have the same thinking of everyone in the world?
Buffalo, Capricorn, Crab, Lion. That was the first icon that I recognized first. Then my mind automatically tries to trash out those memories of the image and where did I saw it before. Yes. It was in the newspaper under zodiac column. How did I know that was a zodiac symbol? Is my perception has the same perception like anyone else? Are these icon are the same in other country like Japan or Mongolia?
Now I understand what was De Saussure were trying to say in his theory. I were asked to rewrite again the whole essay about structuralism or deconstruction. Yes I admit the previous one was just for the sake of submitting. Why do I tend to do that at the first place?
Language barrier. Why most of my Kiwi classmate tend to understand the whole meaning about this topic while I in the other hand were dying to listen very carefully the words came out by everyone during discussion session. I had to say it is all about language and its usage. In different languages the grammar rules are different, as are the words are put together within a grammatical system to make meaning. Apparently, the word’s structure is still the same in all languages. Even though I know how to speak English but it is not the same like the New Zealanders. Every human culture has some sort of language, which has the basic structure of all language. Even a Japanese can’t really pronounce some English words quite well even though we are talking the same language. Language, accent or body movement? Which will come first during a conversation with a stranger or a tourist or even to our friends?
A structuralists believe that the main structures which organize units ( the alphabets) and rules( the grammar) into a conventional systems are generated by the human mind itself, and not by own perception. This is important, because it means that, for structuralists, the order that we perceive in the world is not inheritance from our family, but is a product produced by our minds. It's not that there is no "reality out there," beyond human perception, but rather that there is too much "reality" to be perceived coherently without some kind of "grammar" or system to organize and limit them. Different people have different way of interpret things that they see and hear either in Mathematics, Biology, or even in Religion.

For me, the way I see this thing is by giving an example of a sponge. It depends on what kind of liquid you sucks and how did you squeeze it out. You determine it your own way of sucking and squeezing by using your own method or system based on what you have learned in previous experience. Words play important role in human life and these are the main medium to communicate and tells one’s idea and thought. I agree with Saussure theory about simplifier and simplified system. Every thing has it own imagery and it depends on how a person sees it. An apple is just a object. Some interprets is a food and some see it as a history of Adam and Eve.

oh i think that's about it. it would be a bit bored reading this but i found it quite interesting to reallise that there is a person called structuralist who really cares about languange and thought.

:0

cheers.

1147pm in Malaysia.

2007-08-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

Its 350am in wanganui.
Today the time seems pretty slow cuz i am currently being obsess with new web called trademe.co.nz. Ebay wasnt so famous in nz so i thought of browsing through to buy a cheap laptop. My laptop broke down on the first day i arrived here probably because of the weather(i guess). haha.
So its been a month and a half i'veen livin here without my digital diary and my friend...my laptop. Imagine how i live inside the room staring at the wall every nite. Oh ya..back on Trademe.com. I thought of buying macbook pro or mac book. I can get $800 for macbook and & 1200 for macbookpro. Its quite cheap though. But then i found another stuff that made me bid the item. It was sony vios! im bidding for $810. the spec is quite good: 1gb ram 100gb h.d,processor 1.83 and graphic card is nvidia geforce.
Isnt it cool!
huhu...i am looking foward to get it and continue back my studies.
The work is quite interesting and fun! i have to design or brand my own restaurant.
So i am planning to mix lomography+ cafe= LomoLatte@Lomolipop.
I am looking foward to have the skills called modelling. Its cool learning stuff that i can actually transform a 2dimensional stuff to 3d. Something like transformer thingy.

WANGANUI
This place is just a small town where i can actually meet mostly same people everyday at main street.
They are quite friendly but then there is some certain percentage of racism.

Luckily i look like maorians..hahaha..so.. i escaped from those racism by the black mafia. They are the street maorians that hates asian because they thought the place is their's.

But sometimes they have the right to voice their opinion because they are the native people and they have rights to say their thought.

Being a tribal Polynesian people, Maori have a unique protocol same like the malays. I have one housemate from Crook Island and he thought im one of his people.
They have same cultures like malays. It is interesting knowing that other certain part of world, theres a people practising same thing like we do back in malaysia.

i need to sleep. I think i wanna cook chic curry tomorrow. Damn i miss malaysian food. Let's see..how well the curry will look like tomorrow.Yippe!

Penang.Nasi kandar.char kuey teow,laksa,...damn i cant stop thinking bout the food we have in malaysia. I am so proud to be Malaysian because i can eat whatever i want and as much as i want!

FISH N CHIP SUX!

:p

Blink!

2007-07-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

Im here in wanganui. Just arrive couple of weeks and now i just started my class. Damn it is so different than what i aspected it will be.
It is just two of us sitting who has brownish kind of skin(besides the maorians) in the center of the class.
The class consist of 20 people and it is just not the teenagers attending the GRAPHIC school but we have quite couples of student whom i can actually call them mummy. :p

I am quite happy and at the same time shock and the same time sad and at the same time curious and theres a lot of emotions in myself i couldnt describe. ok i have ideas about deconstruction and structuralism and i will give my p.o.v about that later.

change.

2007-06-09T21:09:00.000-07:00

"we human have special abilities..which is the abilities to adapt in various situation and environment.you may feel uneasy, stressed, unhappy, disturbed and so on.

u will recover from all that. the key to recovery is TIME.

and emotional wound is somehow similar to phisical wound.

somehow it will heal. it just needs time and assistance.something that can help to increase recovery.and when the emotional wound has been recovered,u will be stronger.

somehow it is a way of life: gain strength by pain and suffering.in that way also teaches u not to make the same mistake again.so,to play it safe, find solution.not savouring the pain, but find solution."

that was what i read and put it in my mind..
i was extremely down last few days and i recover it slowly.
laugh..tears and pain..thats life.

back again.

2007-05-28T01:48:00.000-07:00

i choose to blog again..this is because im inspired by those people who really know how to write in this virtual world. i blogged once. but then i deleted it due to some certain reason..so now..im back..blogging with my own words,my own idea and my own observation..i will start to write again..yes i know sumtimes i write nonsense..but thats where i inspired myself...
guys...thanks for bringing me up...u know who u are...

cheeers!