Back Again.

We got second runner up for Ag Ideas.

Its alright i guess. It was a good experience though. Unfortunately i dont get a chance to go to Melbourne cuz the first group had it. They had a chance to be in the conference in Melbourne. My group manage to get a Dvd of IDN conference in Singapore last year. Overall it was awesome!

I am glad that my group manage to get second. hehe!

My friend and me went to Auckland last week to have a look at the big city. To be frank i dont like it. Its too hectic and too congested. I'm used to live with the sheep and the cows rather than all those materialistic propaganda.haha!

It was a good journey for me. We went to Auckland by Train and the view was tremendously awesome! I can say that i am a nature lover. I was so impressed with the view and all those greenery scenery made me happy and i feel great!

Im really looking forward to do my magazine design and my journal cuz i think i like it!

I can see where does my style leads to and i really love it.

wait till i post it once i done it!

Back in Malaysia, my family were really busy with our new house. Finally we manage to get our own house with our own design and our own interior. Thank you God for that.

I am excited to hear all those story about our house and i really hope it turn out really nice.

Mama was quite happy right now cuz someone has already gone back from Hobart.

Don't worry i won't be long to get back together.

When i think about this, really made my day and i will smile.

when i smile, meaning im happy.

thank you God for that.

cheers darling.

Ag ideas is interesting brief but i need to be more flexible with the group im into. Its 2 kiwis and 1 asian. Personally i think the asian mind are much more creative rather than the western. Im not saying that im good because i am classified as a logical person or someone called me Kejora or Kemboja..i forgot whats the term but it was a Malaysian Government ads style. That's me! 

Is it?

hmm im not quite sure but sometimes i do feel that i have too logical thoughts and sometimes i have enormous thoughts of creativity!

We received the brief and we had a brainstorming session everyday. I could say these people have straight thinking and they just lead something in a straight way. In the other hand, the asian i could say we have special case. We see things sideways and sometime we see things from back way too. But the only problem with us..i mean me..Its hard to explain and to elaborate my thoughts to them as i has language barrier that slowly getting improve now.

Yeah, that's why i choose to learn! people make mistakes.

I am getting older in few days time and sometimes i feel like i want to freeze the time. Its running too fast and i cant follow the pace. Last few day i think i had nervous breakdown because only God knows what im doing to myself. But during that time i tried to reverse

myself and dig back the hole of disappointment in me.

Am i in hell or heaven?

But now while writing this blog i guess i am feeling better.

I cant feel anything right now.

I feel numb.

But thats not a problem at all! i know how to fix myself and i will. It is just sometimes i feel i need a break. I need a place where no one could hear me and see me. I want to hide myself and just keep everything deep down inside. Its better that way. No guilty feeling, anger or madness towards other human.

I still have 2 more weeks before semester break. I wanna go home and meet my family.

i miss my cats. i miss my car, i miss to talk with people i love and care. I miss being nag by people who care for me very much. I miss having that person who used to play computer games together after school and he will talk and ask me about school stuff while playing.

No worries.I still have 6 months to go and i will step up to another level after this. c h o i c e!

that's how the Kiwi express their feelings.

For me..i would rather say A l h a m d u l i l l a h .

Back To School.

I miss blogging. really. Even-though some says it does feel stupid writing with no purpose but this is how i release my emotion towards human. No one will read, no one will give me comment unless i give them comment or i am somebody. 

Thank God everything is doing fine here in Wanganui. I would say Wanganui is Evil! yes it is. Every-time we got back to this place we don't seem happy and relax. Probably this place is the only place that can teach us how to be on our own. Everything is on our own. 

This year i want to explore everything without boundaries. I don't care what other will say but i know one day i will be somebody because i take the risk to be different than others. 

Sad to say i am pretty disappointed with my own people. Its ashamed to write about. But its a good observation though. Being myself working and meeting new people in Aussie was a great opportunity for me. I can feel that im growing up now. 

I've got only $50 in my account now. Alhamdulillah i am still alive. It is hard to live without having source of money in my pocket. Only God knows how it feels. Still i manage to survive and smile ...but sometimes i do cry. I need to find job this semester so that i won't trouble mama that much. Its already hard for her right now. Sorry mum but i will repay you someday. She was quite happy with my result last semester. I hope i will do well this semester too. Probably its a bit hard cuz i am planning to get job while studying. No matter what happens i know i will go through with it. 

Yeah..whatever it is its a good opportunity for me study abroad and not all people get this chance. Eventhough this place is evil but........ermm..oklaaa.

Bilik Kelam.

Ada yang dengar ketika aku berbisik?
Ada yang selongkar ketika aku mengemas diri.
Selerak, serabut, semak.
Luar nampak atur, terang,manis.
Dalam kelam, gelap, pahit.

Sesal datang pergi,
Endah entah tidak.
Mana pegi diri?
Hilang diri sendiri.
Kerap suluh yang sudah terang.
Yang gelap biar usang.

Mana?
Bila?
Harus apa lagi?

selongkar hati,
suluh jiwa.

letting the cables sleep.

You in the dark

You in the pain

You on the run

Living a hell

Living your ghost

Living your end

Never seem to get in the place that I belong

Don't wanna lose the time

Lose the time to come

Whatever you say it's alright

Whatever you do it's all good

Whatever you say it's alright

You in the sea On a decline

Breaking the waves

Watching the lights go down

Letting the cables sleep

Silence is not the way

We need to talk about it

If heaven is on the way

We'll wrap the world around it

If heaven is on the way

If heaven is on the way

I'm a stranger in this town

I'm a stranger in this town

If heaven is on the way

If heaven is on the way

I'm a stranger in this town

I'm a stranger in this town

i miss my cats!

I have been taking care of nearly 20 cats at home. And these are the few name i still remember.

Endut, brownies, e.t, acong, lara, blackiey, max, sarip, manja, teh, jm, buntal, boogie,

dude, comel, jr, shit i forgot others...i missss all of you...!!

Cat + me = Happiness.

How to percieve motto ' be yourself'

I had discussion with mr text this morning while baking bread at Jackman & Mcross in Hobart.

That's the only day for me i can say working in a leisure time. Its only two of us moulding and playing with butter and flour. We didnt get enough sleep that night because it was New Year eve and it is funny for me starting my 2008 with making muffin and savoury for Mat Salleh to eat. Banggalah jugakkan.hehe.

That morning around 530am we were forced by mr text's annoying alarm clock. He has more that 1 alarm clock in the house. In the bedroom, livingroom, even in the kitchen and that doesnt includes his mobile phone. Unfortunately when the alarm rang, its me who woke up instead of he himself. Cis!

But lucky me that morning he woke me up after i made myself deaf not to switch off the alarm. We then drove to the bakery.

As usual i need to do prep work like chopping chives, dried tomatoes, baby rocket and some mustards. I learnt a lot on healthy food and preparing it. lucky me.

after few hours of working i finally done my part and just waitng for the bread to cook in the gigantic oven. I forgot how the conversation starts but we suddenly talked about the term ' be yourself'. Me myself has my point of view that there is no phrase 'be yourself' in human because our perception, thinking, personality were ditermine by people we sees most such as our parents, siblings or bestfriends.

Be yourself.

we are ourself and there is no way we could change our thinking and personality in just a snap of finger.

But, in the other way of other people's thinking which is mr text, he has his point of view that lets take chameleon as example. They change color based on the environment. They sooth into the place they go and be part of it.

ok first things first, what is a chameleon?

Chamaeleo pardalis, a chameleon species found in the forests of Madagascar. Chameleons can produce a wide range of colors and patterns on their skin, but they do this primarily to express mood, not to blend in with different environments.(http://science.howstuffworks.com/animal-camouflage2.htm)

To express mood?

That is so wonderful!

i wish i could do that and if i could i might have red color all the time because i am a mood swinger. From what i know, human do have color and its called aura.

ok lets go back to the main topic here,

i think i have no more idea to talk about it cuz i am now interested in reading more about chameleon and human's aura.

Perhaps, there wont be any conclusion on this topic but i am sure different people have different meaning on 'be yourself' motto. As for me i am quite sure of myself i am definetely being myself!

cheers!